Open Your Soul
by Serena-chan1
Summary: **CHAPTER 4 UP!**Harry is depressed and Ginny notices. Very different from your usual Ginny helps Harry fic. h/g romance r/r!
1. Someone notices

Open Your Soul  
  
by: Serena-chan  
  
  
  
A/N: Hey peeps! I'm baaaaaack!!! Yes, I have returned (after suffering from a severe bout of writers block *shudders*) to bring you this h/g fluff that I cooked up in honor of Christmas, which is fast approching. Please r/r! Oh, by the way, this takes place right after the GoF.  
  
Merry Christmas! (or if you celebrate anything else, happy holidays!!!!!)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Harry Potter or anything else associated with it. They all belong to the goddess of all authors J.K. Rowling. *bows and worships*  
  
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Harry sat glumly in the Gryffindor common room staring dully at the fire. It was already Christmas. The year had sped by quickly, and now his fifth year was half over.  
  
Most of the school had gone home to spend the holidays with their families. It was just Harry, Hermione, Ron, Fred, George, and Ginny left in Gryffindor tower. Even Malfoy, Crab, and Goyle had left. With no classes, his homework finished, snowball fights every day, and Christmas only a week away, Harry thought he would be very happy and content.  
  
He was miserable. It had been half a year since Cedric had died, and he still felt he was to blame. He couldn't help it! No matter how many times he told himself that it wasn't his fault, no matter how many times he pushed his sorrow away, the image of Cedric laying there dead shot into his head as though someone had fired a curse at him. With the image, came all the guilt and sorrow and miserable feelings that had been building up inside of him all of this time.  
  
He couldn't talk to anyone about this. Not a soul. Not even Ron or Hermione. They wouldn't understand. None of them had ever really experienced Voldemort. He hid his feelings from his friends.  
  
At the beginning of the year, they seemed to suspect that something was up about him. They treated him much differently, being extra nice and offering to do things for him. Harry hated that. He didn't want them to treat him any differently.  
  
So, he had worked on hiding his feelings, and now he was treated as normally as ever. No one ever suspected the feelings he had hidden deep down inside of him. He even managed to fake a smile when he was supposed to. He was so careful about hiding his feelings. No one would ever know.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
Ginny looked at him from across the common room and sighed. He was thinking about it again. Thinking about Cedric's death. She shivered as she thought of all he'd gone through and how lucky she was to still have him sitting there, near her. Even if he was completly unaware of her presence.  
  
She saw right through that fake smile of his, even though it managed to fool everyone else. She remembered when she herself had worn that exact same fake smile. She had worn it the whole year after the incident in the chamber of secrets. Then, just like now, no one saw through it.  
  
She sighed again. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped from her chest when she looked at him. It hurt her so much to see someone she loved so dearly in so much pain.  
  
There must be something that I can do for him! she thought But what? What helped me get through that horrible time? My family all walked on eggshells around me, and all the kids in school were afraid of me (most of them still are) so I had no friends. No one to talk to. No one that would understand. This must be exactly how he feels right now.  
  
I could let him know that I'm there. That I would understand and listen. No! What am I thinking?! He doesn't even know I exist.  
  
Suddenly, a thought shot into Ginny's head like a bolt of lightning. That's it! Now I remember what helped me get through that time!  
  
Jumping up out of her chair, Ginny dashed up the stairs to see how much money she had left in her savings. 


	2. Comfrontations and a hug

Open Your Soul  
  
by: Serena-chan  
  
  
  
  
  
Christmas morning dawned clear and bright on Hogwarts. Fresh snow was falling, steadily blanketing the ground for the snowball fight they would have later. Everyone got up and exchanged gifts.  
  
Harry forced a smile as he opened his gifts from his friends. He grinned back at them when they opened the gifts from him. At the feast, he ate extra, just so no one would notice the glum mood he was in.  
  
After the feast, all the Weasleys and Hermione trooped outside for yet another snowball fight. Harry told them that he had a stomache ache from eating so much and decided to stay inside. The others were disapointed, but didn't argue.  
  
Ginny went out with them for a bit, but was soon ignored. Ron and Hermione were in deep conversation as they built a snowman, probably flirting like mad, and the twins were having a fierce snow battle, using magic to make snowballs fly at the other from behind. No one noticed when she slipped back inside. She felt a bit hurt by this, but shook it off, reminding herself that they didn't mean to forget her, they just got distracted.  
  
She hurried up to her dormitory and changed out of her cold, wet clothes into a knee-length navy blue pleated skirt and a dark red fuzzy sweater that her mother had sent for her. She carefully reached under her pillow and removed a small package. Walking very slowly, she made her way down the stairs.  
  
She found Harry sitting alone in the common room. He had his chin propped up on his hand, gazing out the window at the twins' snowball fight. (Although, he didn't really seem to be seeing anything but what he was imagining in his own mind.) He had the saddest expression that she had ever seen etched deep into his face.  
  
She began to have doubts about her mission. How could she, little Ginny Weasley, make the great Harry Potter feel better? This was crazy! To think that he would even listen to her!  
  
But she looked at the sad look on Harry's face, and she told herself sternly, No, this isn't the 'great Harry Potter.' This is just Harry, the boy I love. He's miserable, and I'm the only one that's noticed. I at least have to try.  
  
Tucking the package, which had begun trembling in her hand because she was so nervouse, into her pocket, she started toward him. She could feel the color rising to her cheeks as she neared him, but she didn't stop until she had reached the table he was sitting at.  
  
"H-hello, Harry." she started, stammering at first because she hadn't planned out what she was going to say. Her voice seemed to break him out of his trance, and he looked up at her, putting on one of those fake smiles that never reached his eyes.  
  
"Hullo, Ginny." He said.  
  
"Mind if I sit down?" she asked. Harry nodded, and she sat in a chair opposite of him.  
  
"Harry, may I talk to you about something?" her voice was so serious. Harry looked at her startled. Ginny, who was always smiling, was now very serious, sad even.  
  
"Sure, Ginny." Harry responded quickly, "You can talk to me about anything."  
  
"Harry..." this was to hard to say, she hadn't expected it being this difficult to get out, "I know you're still upset about Cedric." Harry froze, "I-I've been watching you, not spying really, just noticing things. That fake smile may fool the rest of the world Harry Potter, but it isn't going to fool me. I know that I have no place in even mentioning this to you, but you really need to talk to someone about this! It's eating you away! This isn't healthy!"  
  
Harry sat there for a long time, staring at her. At last he lowered his eyes to look at the table. "How did you know?" he asked in a voice so soft that he himself could barely hear it, "Was I really that obvious?"  
  
"No, you did a really good job of hiding it. The only reason I realized it was because I had that same exact look my whole second year, right after the chamber of secrets." Harry's eyes soften when she said this. "You've got to do something about this. You can't just keep being miserable for the rest of your life! Cedric wouldn't want that, would he?"  
  
"T-there's n-no one I can t-talk to." He said, his voice breaking. Ginny looked at him closely and realized in alarm that he was crying. "I've tried to talk to people so many times, but they always acted differently around me. I didn't want that! I just-"  
  
"Just wanted someone to listen to you." Ginny finished, "You tried talking to them, but when you did they treated you differently, like you were about to break at any second."  
  
Harry looked up at her with suprise showing through his tears. Ginny gave him a small, wry smile, "Harry, let me tell you something. After the chamber of secrets, I was a wreck. I felt so horrible. It was me who caused all that trouble in the school. I attacked all those people. I caused all that destruction and worry. I nearly got the school shut down! I was miserable, all because I started writing in that diary.  
  
"I started writing in it, because I had no friends at school. No one wanted to talk to quiet little Ginny, with her hand-me-down robes and falling apart books. So, when the diary became my only friend, I used it as much as possible.  
  
"After the chamber incident, my family all walked on eggshells around me. When they spoke to me, they were so sympathetic and tried to pity me. I didn't want their pity, I wanted someone to talk to. But none of them would ever understand. None of them had been through what I had. They just wouldn't get it!  
  
"I managed to get things back to normal by faking smiles, eating a little more, and doing some of my normal activities. My family treated me just like they always did, but I wasn't happy.  
  
"When I came back to school, if people hated me before, they really hated me now. The ones that didn't hate me, were afraid of me. I began to sink deeper and deeper into depression.  
  
"Then, at Christmas, Fred gave me a regular muggle diary. I think he meant it as a joke. I was very weary of it at first. Because, understandably, I didn't trust it. Then, I remembered how good it was to put down all my worries on paper. So, I got over my fears of diarys, and I wrote down everything. It felt so good to get it all down, almost like I was pulling all the sadness out of my soul. I wrote every day, and I slowly got better. You see, you just have to find a way of expressing your sorrow rather that letting it build up inside you."  
  
Harry had remained silent and let her ramble. Now, he paused so long that Ginny didn't think he was going to answer, "I had no idea that you felt that way, Ginny." He paused again, beginning to look even more hopeless, "I just don't know what to do."  
  
"Here," said Ginny, pulling the package from her pocket and pushing it into his hands, "I have something for you. Just call it a Christmas gift."  
  
"What is it?" Harry asked, turning it over in his hands.  
  
"Just open it, silly!" said Ginny. (Who, by this point, was starting to get comfortable talking to Harry.) Harry slowly pulled off the red and gold wrappings. A small notebook fell into his hands. The cover was bound in dark blue cloth with stars on it, resembling the night sky. It had a silver lock with lined paper inside. Harry turned the gift silently over in his hands, not sure what to say.  
  
"There, now you can start to write your own feelings down." Ginny said, "I realize keeping a diary is a kind of girlish thing to do, but it helps. It really does! The notebook's a muggle one, but I magiced the lock so that it only opened when you said the password."  
  
"What's the password?"  
  
"It's ame, which means 'soul' in French"  
  
Harry stared at the book a moment longer before spluttering, "Thanks so much, Ginny. You have no idea how much this means to me."  
  
She stood and so did he, "Just remember," she said, "the hardest part of writing is getting started. Even if you feel silly doing it, you'll be surprised how much it helps." She paused, not sure if she should say the next part, "Harry, if you ever feel like you need to talk with someone, you do know that I'm always here don't you?"  
  
"I do now." Harry whispered warmly. He reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. Ginny was surprised but also very happy. She never thought she'd ever know what it was like to be in Harry's arms. Her heart skipped excitedly. They stood that way for awhile, just holding each other, before going up to their seperate dormitories.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~  
  
That night, Harry awoke in the thick darkness of his room shaking. He had had yet another dream about Cedric. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He hugged his pillow tightly and felt something underneath it.  
  
He pulled it out and found the diary Ginny had given him in his hands. He thought about what she had said for a moment before pulling his bed curtains even more tightly around the bed, lighting a candle, and softly whispering "ame" into the binding of the book.  
  
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A/N: Well? What do you think so far? Review and tell me if I should continue this. 


	3. Diary/Journal confessions

Open Your Soul  
by: Serena-chan  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, I (FINALLY!) got to updating this thing. I'm so sorry it took so long,   
but, well, the nightmare that is high school drudges on. Continually consuming all my   
time from now till oblivion. (Gee, depressing, isn't it?)  
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He pulled it out and found the diary Ginny had given him in his hands. He thought   
about what she had said for a moment before pulling his bed curtains even more   
tightly around the bed, lighting a candle, and softly whispering "ame" into the   
binding of the book.  
  
He paused, quill in hand. Where to begin? What to write? He had kept so many   
thoughts and emotions bottled up inside for so long that he didn't know how to say   
what he wanted to say.  
  
He remembered Ginny telling him that the hardest part of writing was getting started.   
She wasn't kidding was she? This was hard. He closed his eyes, clearing his thoughts.   
He sat that way for a moment, just sitting there, concentrating on nothing.   
  
Then, he let his mind go. The first thing that popped into his head was the inevitable   
guilt that haunted him every waking moment. He decided to start with that.  
  
  
I feel so guilty over Cedric's death. My whole life seems a mess right now.  
Nothing seems to matter anymore.   
Ever since he died, these feelings just won't leave me alone. I've tried to get   
over them. Really, I have. It's just, when ever I try to do anything else,  
whenever I try to enjoy myself, the image of him, lying there, dead, creeps  
into my head. I can't think of anything else!  
It's my fault he's dead! I told him to grab the cup with me. Voldemort was  
after me! If I hadn't been there, then the cup wouldn't have been a portkey  
anyway!  
It was me Voldemort was after. So why did Cedric have to die? I just don't   
feel like I can go on anymore with this guilt that I feel! Maybe it would be  
better if I just died and got it over with. Then no one would ever get hurt   
because of me.   
I dunno. Maybe I would feel better if I talked to someone...but who?! Ron   
and Hermione will never be able to understand. Neither will Fred or George   
or anyone else at this school. Dumbledoor might understand, but I don't think  
I could talk to him about something like this.   
I could talk to Serious, but that would only make him worry about me. He'd   
try to come and look after me. He's already risking a lot helping Dumbledoor.  
I can't talk to him.   
Then, there's the person who gave me this journal. Ginny. She seems to   
understand well enough what it's like to go through all this. I could talk to   
her.   
I've never really thought of her as much more that Ron's little sister, but   
after today, well, I guess there's much more to her than that.   
You know, I think I will talk to her.   
  
  
Harry put down his quill and stared at the page. He couldn't believe he'd written   
all that. He hadn't even thought about what he was writing. It just came spilling   
out, like water being released from a dam.   
  
He really did feel better. Like he'd completely opened his soul to the journal, and   
all of his guilt and hurtful feelings had flowed out of him through his quill and out   
onto the paper.  
  
He blew out his candle and made sure that the journal was securely locked before   
sliding it back under his pillow. He sighed happily as he drifted off to sleep. He   
hadn't felt this good in a long time.   
  
~*~~*~~*~  
  
Ginny tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep. She glanced at her watch. 1:00am.   
Great. Sighing exasperatedly, she pulled out her diary from under her pillow.   
Mumbling the password into the lock, she got out her quill.   
  
The password to her diary was coeur which was French for 'heart.' She fumbled   
with the pages until she found one that wasn't covered in writing.  
  
  
Hello Diary!  
Well, I'm not in the best mood right now. It is one in the moring, I can't   
sleep, and I have a potions quiz tomarrow. (Which, by now, is actually today.)  
I do have some good news, however. I gave the diary to Harry, and he liked   
it! I even got up the nerve to tell him that I was there if he ever wanted to  
talk!   
And do you know what he did just before he went up to his dormitory? He  
hugged me! I feel so happy! Like I'm floating on a beautiful cloud.  
I hope he decides to use it. I think it really will help him. He looked more  
cheerful today than he has in a really long time.   
I wish I could tell him how I feel! I feel so stupid around him. I have all   
these feeling threatening to get out. I'm afraid that someday, they will slip  
out and then I'll be in real trouble!   
Speaking of trouble, that's what I'll be in if I don't get to sleep. I have a   
potions quiz tomarrow, and I'll need all the sleep I can get if I'm going to  
pass it.   
See you later then!   
Yours,   
Ginny Weasley  
  
  
Closing her diary and returning it to its place under her pillow, Ginny flopped back   
on her bed and closed her eyes. Images of the hopeful look on Harry's face chased   
their way across her eyelids as (at last) she fell into a peaceful sleep.  
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A/N: r/r people and tell me what you think so far! 


	4. Hugs and Tears

Open Your Soul  
  
by: Serena-chan  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, here's the next chapter. My attempt at finishing this continues!  
  
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The next few days passed in a blurr of homework for Ginny Weasley, when, at last, the weekend came. She flopped down in a big red couch beside the fire and watched some of her fellow Gryffindors enjoying what was left of the snow outside. The rest were at Hogsmead. Ginny had decided to stay at the castle and recover from her busy week. She sighed contentedly, staring at the fire.  
  
The sound of someone noisily turning a page near her, startled her. She had thought she was the only one in the common room. Turning, she found Harry sitting in a chair near her. To her surprise he was writing in the journal she had given him. From the looks of things he'd written a lot in the few days that he'd had it.  
  
Ginny gazed at him, taking in every feature. She noted happily that some of the haunted guilt had been erased from his face. Perhaps her gift was helping him after all!  
  
Harry wrote on, oblivious to her stares. He completed the page he was working on and closed the journal. Standing up, he finaly noticed her. Ginny could feel the color rising in her cheeks as she pretended to be very interested with something outside.  
  
In the haze of humiliation she felt at being caught staring, she didn't hear him approach, and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt him sit down next to her.  
  
"Sorry." said Harry, "I didn't mean to startle you."  
  
"It's alright. I was just...distracted." Ginny felt herself go even redder and hated herself for it.  
  
"I just wanted to thank you again for this journal." Harry said, setting the small notebook down on a nearby table, "You're right. It really does help a lot."  
  
"So, you are feeling better then?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"A bit," he admitted.  
  
They sat in silence for awhile, Harry trying to think of the best was to get out what he wanted to say. Ginny had been too busy the past few days, so he never got his chance to talk to her...until now. In that time, he had done a lot of thinking about her and the things she had told him.  
  
"Ginny," he started hesitantly, "are people still afraid of you?"  
  
"What?" Said Ginny, who had been lost in thoughts of her own.  
  
"When you were talking to me the other day, you said that all the kids either hated you or were scared of you. Are they still that way?"  
  
"Well," she began, "it's gotten a bit better now. Some of them have even begun to treat me like a friend."  
  
"But do you have any real friends?" Harry asked.  
  
Ginny sat in a sad silence for a long time before finally whispering, "No, I suppose I don't. Well, Hermione is my friend, I suppose, but she's always off with Ron or studying. She doesn't have much time for me."  
  
Ginny chanced a look up into Harry's eyes and was startled to see that they were shining with concern. "It doesn't matter really." She said quickly, "I don't mind. They don't mean to forget about me, they just do. It's not their fault. Sometimes I think it's better to be left alone."  
  
"But you need friends!" Harry persisted, "Who do you talk to when your lonely?"  
  
"I write in my diary." She said, very close to tears at this point, "That's enough, I suppose."  
  
"No it isn't!"  
  
"Harry, there's nothing you can do about it at this point!" Ginny said, not quite shouting, "So, just...lay off, okay? This is only upsetting me!" She let the tears spill down her cheeks.  
  
Harry sighed and stared off into space for awhile, contemplating. At last he let out a shaky laugh. "Look at us. We both need someone to talk to, and here we are arguing with each other."  
  
Ginny smiled slightly and tried to brush away her tears. Harry reached out hesitantly and put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"I'm sorry for making you cry, Ginny." Harry said at last, "I was worried about you, this time. Well, you will talk to me, won't you? When ever you feel lonely?"  
  
"Of course I will." she said, looking him in the eye, "and you'll talk to me whenever you feel depressed, won't you?"  
  
"Sure." he said warmly, standing up. He turned around and offered his hand to her. "Friends?" He asked.  
  
Ginny smiled and took his hand, "Friends."  
  
Harry pulled her up into another warm hug.  
  
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A/N: Sorry this is such a short chapter, but my mom's making me get off so I can do some "family thing." (Hey, don't get me wrong. I like my family, but this involves out-of-town relatives. Which means I get to stand around for 3 hours listening to "Look how much you've grown!") *depressed sigh* r/r! I need suggestions for what course this story is gonna take! 


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